Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I'm sitting here watching a kid lick a basketball- where have i gone wrong in life?
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
I think there was chlamydia in those woods.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
just really comprehended the fact that I'm getting high at the same place I used to play as a child. the nostalgia and thc is mixing together in one, intense wave. WHO HAVE I BECOME
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
he left a full can of coors light underneath my windshield wiper, like a love note. if that's not husband material, i don't know what is
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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