Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He told everyone he was freezing their keys so they couldn't drive drunk. When I opened the freezer this morning, my keys were at the bottom of an unfrozen ice cream tub of vodka.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
Just burnt my nuts with a cigarette. Don't ask. I hate life.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
He was all “please don’t bail because I’m missing work for this” last night
Honey no, I need dick. I’m not going to bail
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