whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
Back at condo with chick. What is the condom situation urgent response needed
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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