and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
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