Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
Someone should've told Pope jumper lady and terrorist pants guy that the Worst of 2009 lists already went out....
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
I dunno I mean I feel like I owe everyone an apology except the two people I punched in the face
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
Dude I was tripping acid when she was crying and I literally couldn't defend myself
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Randomize
