that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I need you to know that everytime my toddler does the downward facing dog in the nude I think about the night you and your dude fell in love.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Also I'm eating leftovers with a pair of bullet removal forceps (unused) because I don't have a fork.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I got blackout last night and applied to be a banker
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
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