Dude i just saw JT leaving the hospital. He drove there to get fluids because he was too drunk, so they hooked him up to an IV so he didn't get alcohol poisoning. Did I mention he drove there? Oh yea and our roommates in the hospital with alcohol poisoning, she just puked up coal. So many ppl are here, it's like a hospital party, I love spring quarter!
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
