Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
Randomize
