Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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