where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
THEY ARE MY AGE. THEY ARE YOUR LITTLE SISTER'S AGE THIS IS A DELICATE MATTER. CAPS LOCK
I went online and donated $30 to his walk-a-thon as a "sorry I puked in your bed last night"
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
Will you remind me I changed my hotspot phone password to fuckyouprivilegedwhitedude
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
Randomize
