"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
did i walk over a car last night?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
