I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
where are my pants?
you were passing out with two blankets and the person next to you was cold so you gave him your pants to keep warm
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
