In the future we'll all be gay
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
I've had my dick out in public way too much for someone my age...
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
I need some buff guys to cuddle me and call me precious
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