Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
I wish I could punch you in the face.
I cockslap morals
youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
If he's dead I'm so gonna get the blame. I have his passport, keys and his tooth in my purse.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize
