You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
