ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
what age do we have to be before we can stop fucking guys on the first date?
I think I am the only girl in the world who would be proud of these scars from rug burn.
I seem to remember you being very disappointed that drinking Michelob Ultra didn't give you magic powers.
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
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