i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Your last words were "i'm gonna motorboat the bartender." then you commenced with an attempted motorboat
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
The things I do for you. Not that I'm unhappy about it. I'm just saying you should love me.
Did you sleep with him again?
No! I just led him to believe that I would if he gets me booze. Do I have that little class that you have such minimal faith in me?
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Randomize