I feel like I'm in dance class right now
I'm getting very good at recycling my hook ups. So even though i'm having more sex... I'm the same amount of slutty.
Yes! I like to call that picking from the buffet!
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
My therapist told me it was ok for me to "take risks" now. Cue the hookers and blow.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
Before you even think your day was worse than mine, I had to disinfect and and stitch another dude's penis after his prince Albert got ripped out by an angry chick.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
You talked the cab driver into taking a shot from your flask at a red light because "Ray Charles would want him to"
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
Remember the guy with the pretty voice that gave us crabs?
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
