I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
all I heard when I woke up this morning was "BONG HITS FOR BREAKFAST" being yelled repeatedly.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Let's cut to the chase. What days are we sleeping together this week?
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
it's okay that you two hooked up in the family bathroom at the mall.. i just pray to god you were not making a family in the family bathroom..
Randomize
