fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I wonder if they have a "21st birthday" section in the hospital..
What changed your mind?
Being sober
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
Randomize