i was like a deer caught in headlights with its coke-dick hanging out
the girl sitting next to me in class is using her birth control box as a ruler
I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
THIS IS A TERRIBLE REWARD FOR NOT GETTING PREGNANT.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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