So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
You were laying in bed whispering and crying to the half eaten burrito saying "why am I shitting so much" and "what did I do to deserve this"
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
After fooling around at the hotel til dawn, I managed to feed her with my free buffet passes. Tastes like sweet victory.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
