can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
The cops found weed in michael jacksons house today...it makes up for the child molesting, I like him more now.
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I tried to flirt with him by saying "catholics are cool" and he handed me a cup of water so i called him jesus and thanked him for the wine
It was a good dick. I give credit where credit is due. A good dick deserves praise.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
I'm literally the definition of crunk, sunburnt, and dehydrated. I'm going to die tomorrow.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Randomize
