Are you with Adam and his vodka?
Yeswdsssss I masde his pickle gi away ans he go anbnoued
turns out a healthy dose of cleavage is the equivalent of a swig of felix felicis
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
She bellyflopped onto the poolside bar, broke one wine bottle, and stole another...the resort staff just frowned and cleaned up her mess.
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I will take a ruler to your dick so help me god
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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