Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
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