i should go to a nude beach and wear just a condom, then ill have tan lines on my dick
Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
the fair has chocolate covered bacon...impossible is nothing.
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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