Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
But seriously like how many girls do you know that will do that on the first date?
One?
ONE! And it was was glorious!
Randomize
