I woke up and peed for 26 seconds this morning. 26 seconds!
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
are we at that level where i can tell you your girlfriends tits looked really good yet?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
This whole situation could've been avoided if you would've just let me open the beer
idk. I was on the deck with Dominic and i felt something weird on my arm. I looked down and you were licking my elbow.
They wouldn't let me hang out the sun roof and sing apple bottom jeans in the drive thru of hardee's i think i no longer like these ppl
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
Randomize
