there's paper in my vomit.
i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I swear this girl is like a Cross between Danny Devito and Anne Heche....the Lesbian Years.
I've never seen a homeless man jog to get off the bus and then run to his panhandling spot because he's "late for work," but you see something new every day.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
I just tried on my "outfit" for tonight and I should just wear sweatpants and a sign on my face that says I like it in the ass. That would be more comfortable
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
you left your anal beads in the dishwasher
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
