Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
The arresting officer told me "you probably get this a lot, but you look like anthony kiedis".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
