She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
Randomize
