Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
