I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
I got a pots and pans set and a vibrator. Merry Crisis.
Randomize
