They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
Why am I getting the stink eye from these people? They're acting like BYOB isn't kosher in a laundromat.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
dude, apparently i tried to force feed my grandma bananas last night.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
I think your dad took our porno
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
IM BACK TOGETHER WITH MY BF AND HERE YOU ARE SUCKING DICK FROM 2009
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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