My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
he gave me a new purse full of weed and five boxes of samoas for my birthday. best boyfriend ever.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
I want to ride his face like a jet ski
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
