Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
i may or may not be watching the land before time
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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