Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I just remembered that last night I ate nachos off of someone else's table with a stranger
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
