I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
The only thing that makes me want to stop the affair is that I am the Monica Lewinksy in this triangle.
while i was sleeping he changed my screen saver to his dick with a heart frame around it. I just might be falling in love.
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
Randomize
