he was uncircumcised...I HAVE NOT YET REACHED THAT SKILL LEVEL OF DICK
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
Dude. I tried to hide my drunk wounds from my parents. Response: "we were young once" and "oh god, did I raise a drunk?"
You are beyond drunk wounds. You have drunk battle scars. A true veteran of the sidewalk
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
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