there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
other than the jail part I had a really good time with you
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
Everyone here knows my boyfriend as "Half Baked". Life, he's doing it right.
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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