I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Buy Actually if the police need to find my body I'm on an air mattress in an apartment near a McDonald's that's all I see out dat Window
I would recommend NOT getting ass enhancement shots.
so we were doing it and I was like umm hi im losing my virginity can you take off your beanie
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
I have only made 3 good decisions in my life and getting really stoned reenacting the Lion King with my cat in a lion mane hat is 2 of them.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Randomize
