either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
Randomize
