Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Word to the wise: do not smoke before going grocery shopping with only 12 bucks. So stressful.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
the worst part was waking up this morning to his skrillex ringtone.....when was it ever okay for friends to let other friends go home WITH GUYS LIKE THAT!?
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Randomize
