i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
Listen man, there's two things I know about in life: porn and sound. On a day that I'm wearing khakis, I need you to trust that I know what the fuck I'm doing.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Randomize
