i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
I'm about to ride on a tractor i have no time for you
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
