Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Randomize
