he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
NO I WOULD NOT GET A GUMMER FROM A GRANDMOTHER
Haha, I gave you the rest of the cash I had on me and you bought 3 shots for yourself and beer for everybody except me FUCKFACE.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
I forget how to act sober
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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