so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I'm coming over to use your dick. I need to take my aggression out on something. Hope that's cool.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
I just used my vibrator to scratch my back. This being single shit is for the birds
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
