oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
I wrote "fuck you meg" on my toaster strudel with the icing. I call it "passive aggressive breakfast"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
do you think the dildo I'm bringing through airport security is considered a weapon?
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
Randomize
