i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Not a or good or bad impression, just that you were all basically naked playing beer bong in sombreros and ties. Casual.
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
Congratulations! We have a period
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
