Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
Human Centipede: The Drinking Game. This is non-negotiable. First one to pass out the rest of us get to FEEEEED THEM!
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
Every guy I've ever fucked is single right now
Pray for me
I have tasted many bathrooms
Dude, seriously, fucking stop introducing me as "Thomas, with the dick piercing." you are the worst wingman ever.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize