My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
So I cleaned the toilet last night at 2 am and woke up with pink eye. Never doing that again.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
I really need to get a comfy set of masturbating shoes
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
