working out is totally making me break out.. i'm doomed to forever be either a butterface or a butterbod. there is no way out.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
You know you have hit the best years of your life when you enlist the 5 year old to be ball boy during beer pong and pay him with candy you stole from Walgreens
It was great. Somehow, sleeping with her sister cured everything!
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
