I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Heybabeimwearingurpanties
If I see one more commercial for The Secret Life of the American Teenager, I'm going to punch the next teenage girl I see in the uterus and scream, "Wear a condom!"
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I just wanted to give you a heads up. There's a crab in the kitchen. He doesn't have a name yet. We are just calling him crab for now. Oh! and we have memosas!
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Remember when there was a happier time when people could all hang out together with out the awkwardness of the fact that she stole $1000 and cheated on a brother with another brother !?!??
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We'll get you some ice cream, but no sprinkles. Sprinkles are for winners.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Omg there's puke under my pillow. Clearly I puked and tried to hide it. From myself. \n
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
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