Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
It's only 10 in the morning...josh is already on the way to the ER for trying to shotgun a beer with a sparklers sticking out of it on fire.
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
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