Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Oh and I watched laurens last episode on the hills. its been an emotional day
Little spoons don't ask big questions
and i looked up. we had an audience...
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I think I need practice at oral sex
I own a practice facility.
Randomize
