OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All my interactions with my brother are drug deals at this point
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
As much of a hooker as I am you don't slam where you drink
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
Randomize
