Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Hey when you come over to pick me up in the mornin bring a camera. This is going to be legendary. Don't knock.... They might cover up
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
The last thing I remember is him yelling from across the room "WE FINISHED THE HANDLE!"
It was 11pm.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
My butthole is tingling. Must be the grapefruit juice
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