I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
Now you can NEVER tell anyone that on thanksgiving I took a selfie of my pussy to prove they don't get worse with babies.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
Randomize
