Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I feel like I'm full of double a batteries and cocaine.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
speaking of creep .. love how I kept touching strangers faces at the bar ... and saying "Don't worry I'm a dermatologist"
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
Randomize
