im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
she had condoms in her med. cabinet - magnums -I don't think I'm tall enough for this ride
i can hardly tell the difference between falling asleep and passing out anymore
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Randomize
