is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I didn't share a weekly margarita with my mom since i was 12
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
the other day i was so high i found pages and pages of pictures of HD hamburgers and patriotic music. bong rips for merica.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
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