He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Woke up with your brother in my bed...where do you want me to return him?
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
Apparently, the Mormons have taken over airports. I was told by a befuddled looking clerk I couldn't buy a beer with breakfast before 6am.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
I'll just go on tinder. Seeking strong male to help take apart ikea furniture and move. I'll touch your dick.
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
