Greg found me on xtube. Who knew random hook ups would leave their web cams on and upload it. At least it shows off big penis.
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
How do you not remember seeing the kid from our chem lab table and repeatedly yelling "lab partners for life!" at him?
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Finally hooked up w/ that yoga instructor chick. Got a little more than I expected. Like a full on bush more than I expected. How do you tell a girl that her bush scares you?
do i respond to the booty call for the guy with the bigger dick or the one who has the gourmet coffee i like so much? at this point i'm leading toward the coffee
Also, it was so cold in that bathroom that I saw my crap steaming, a first in my life
I talked to the pizza guy for 10 minutes about my truck, I don't even have a truck
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
