Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
Dude, I'm sorry if you saw me getting head in my truck last night. My bad.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
